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Submitted on
December 18, 2009
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31 (who?)
'Twas ze night before Christmas, and all through ze map,
Not a sentry was stirring,
Because ze Scout broke your crap,
Ze cap point was guarded by ze Heavy so fat,
In hopes zat St. Nicholas will bring him a hat;
Ze Sniper was sitting all zoomed in on ze Reds,
While little blue dots were aimed at zeir heads;
And ze Engie building dispensers, and I ready to sap,
Had just left ze point all open to cap,
When out in the barracks arose such a noise,
Ze Engineer shouting:
Away to the spawn I ran like a bunny,
Giggling like mad, because lets face it, zat was funny,
Ze fire of ze Pyro was hot on my trail,
My ass was on ze line and I could not fail;
When, what in front of my eyes should take place,
Ze Soldier fires a crit-rocket into that mumbling oaf's face;
With a nod and a grin, looking razzer slick,
I high-tailed it out of there at once and right quick;
Ze rest of ze Red team, like banshees they'd scream,
Zey all required assistance from the rest of the team;
"Hey Medic! Hey Pyro! Hey, where is that Spy?!
Hey Demo, hey Scout, get the Heavy Weapons Guy!
Is he in the ramparts? Be sure to spy-check!
He's sapping our sentry and the tele's a wreck!"
I slunk to ze shadows, zeir cursing so crass,
When looking right at me was some strange new class;
His belly was pudgy, his cheeks rosy red,
A poofy long cap rested on top of his head;
He held not a weapon, no guns on his back,
Instead he had cookies and a razzer large sack;
His boots shine with polish, a twinkle in his eye,
He laughed "ho ho ho", he was a very strange guy;
He made no attempt to hit, kick or smack,
He just adjusted his belt and reached into his sack;
On ze ground at my feet he placed a small gift,
Zen back to his shoulders his bag he did lift;
He marched to ze ozzers, zeir guns ceasing fire,
For reasons unknown my spirits seemed...higher;
Each class got a present, all wrapped with a bow,
Leaving broad smiles on faces everywhere zat he'd go;
Zey wasted no time tearing zem open with glee,
Ze Medic was first and what did he see?
A shiny new bonesaw, quite expensive I'm told,
He equipped it quickly, it was a sight to behold;
Ze Scout opened next, inside was a bat,
Ze Heavy shouted "YYYYES!", he'd gotten a hat;
Ze Engie held up a brand new tool set,
Ze Soldier acquired a large bayonet;
Ze Pyro got makeup, which we all thought weird,
But, for some reason, ze Pyro just cheered;
Ze Demo got, of course, a bottle of booze,
But he's Scottish, zere's no alcohol he'll refuse;
Ze Sniper was happy, for he'd received a new scope,
Zen I looked down at mine, my heart filled wiz hope;
Was it a new knife? A watch or disguise?
I pulled off ze lid and rage filled my eyes!
Coal in ze box?! Zat fat bastard would pay!
Ze ozzers all snickered, zey would rue ze day!
Zis man turned to me, from my eye came a tear,
He said "Sorry there Spy, better luck next year."
Zen he bellowed out loudly, as I crept up on ze jerk,
Decided to parody "The Night Before Christmas" from the Blu Spy's point of view.

Team Fortress 2 is property of Valve.
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TheBurningHand Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Haha. I read this aloud. Even funnier.

Mistuh-B Featured By Owner May 2, 2013
CaptainPrower Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You, sir, have just won the internet.
Mistuh-B Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
Bitch please, I won it ages ago.
CanecaDePapel Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Student
I can only express my euphoria in CONSTANT CAPSLOCK.

I really love how pretty much in character everything is, man. I mean, I can seriously imagine Spy saying all that, plus he'd totally get coal.
I wonder why Scout didn't, though. :I
Maybe it was a consolation present, since REDSpy is doing his mom and all.
Mistuh-B Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
Wow, very exuberant of you. Thanks, I guess. I find it kinda funny that this is getting popular all of the sudden considering I posted this over a year ago. Well, either way, you should check out the vocal version of it I made if you're that interested. I'm not exactly perfect, but I had fun doing it.
CanecaDePapel Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Student
I get that a lot. :I To be completely honest with you, I was linked to this deviation by a friend, and I actually laughed IRL, till my eyes watered a bit. I was in a very good mood I suppose, hurr.
Sure thing, man. Can you link me?
Mistuh-B Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
Silly girl, it's in my deviations. Check em. Or you can just search "TF2 Christmas.wmv" on Youtube.
CanecaDePapel Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010  Student
Just did.
And laughed sommore. :'D Dude, your voice is epic and you should feel epic.
Mistuh-B Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
Ladies please, contain your orgasms.
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